Middle school has its challenges
Q. My big brother says I need to stop acting so smart at school. I asked him to clarify and he said, “Stop answering all the questions.” I find that to be ridiculous. I’m at school to learn. I get excited when I know something, so my hand goes right up. He says I won’t be popular if I’m smart. Who says I want to be popular? Can’t I just be me? I like getting good grades. I get along with everyone. I don’t have any desire to be on prom court someday, but I do want to get into a good college. -13-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: You absolutely can be you! It takes courage to be true to who you are and stand firm as a unique person.
I have some personal experience with this from my own life. I loved school as a child, I’ve loved learning all my life, and I love teaching. Being authentic is powerful. Popularity is elusive. Be a good friend, be respectful and kind to others, and avoid drama and gossip. Gravitate to students who like academics as you do and make friends with everyone. Lots of teens on prom court are also in the National Honor Society. Stay true to you.
Q. Is it true that boys get made fun of for getting good grades and responding in class, while it’s okay for girls to do well? I like school and I’m a guy. I don’t plan on dumbing myself down to be popular. – 13-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Good for you. Stay strong as a person of worth. I love your love for learning. Gender should have nothing to do with popularity, good grades, or answering questions in class. Be you. Look at college graduates who are male. They did not achieve this milestone without effort and academic prowess. Keep up the good work.
Q. I’m in seventh grade and my friends are changing. I mean my girlfriends. I’m a girl. There’s so much drama this year and I hate it. I refuse to spread rumors about others. That makes no sense to me. One minute a girl will act like a friend and the next minute she’s talking about me behind my back. Please tell me this gets better! Right now, I’d rather read during lunch than listen to all this! I like reading more. – 13-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Yes, it gets better, but seventh grade can be challenging socially. Since you like to read, I recommend two books on this phenomenon: Rachel Simmons wrote a book called “Odd Girl Out” that examines the way girls your age treat one another. “Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys, and the New Realities of Girl World” by Rosalind Wiseman is in its third edition and was the basis for the movie “Mean Girls.”
May I suggest you join the teens at our Common Ground Teen Center? We’re at 92 N. Main St. in Washington. We have teen driven activities daily. Thursday is Cooking Club; it’s a favorite. We work hard at minimizing gossip and rumors. I think you’d love it there.
Being authentic means remaining true to who you are and growing into who you want to be. You are a person of great worth. You’ve got this.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.