Preparing your child for school
Q. I’m no longer a teen, but I have wonderful memories of you as my teacher. You taught us all so much, starting in middle school, when you empowered us to be comfortable with our changing selves, through senior year, when you facilitated a great game, you called “out of the bubble” that prepared us for life after high school. I was your student from 6th – 12th grades and I loved every minute. One of the things you often mentioned was how important it was to read and, if we ever became parents, how important it was to read to our children. Well, I’m a parent now, and I’ve followed your advice. I read to our 4-year-old daily. I started when she was very small, and she loves it. I’m now turning to you for wisdom. How do I prepare her for school? I want her to love learning. I don’t want her to fear separation from me. How do I prepare her to do things on her own in school? Thank you for always being there. – Still learning
Mary Jo’s Response: Wow! Before I respond, I need to tell you how much your kind and generous words touched me. Teaching is, to me, a marvelous profession, but one where you don’t always see the fruits of your efforts right away. Your message not only made my day, but it is also a huge gift. I am grateful for you! Your questions are wonderful. You are obviously a thoughtful, caring parent. Yes, there are a few things you can do to make your little one’s transition to school next year easier. Here are some hints:
Practice independence: Teach your child to do small tasks that she is developmentally ready for, like selecting a snack from the pantry (and disposing of the trash when finished), or putting on her shoes, or washing/drying her hands alone. Offer support and guidance. Let her make mistakes without shaming her. Incorporate more challenging daily tasks as she masters small ones.
Model communication: Teach her how to ask for what she needs. Role play conversations that might happen in school, like asking for help with a problem or needing to use the rest room. Model how to speak respectfully and teach her when to be silent.
Create small, safe separations: Tell your child where you’ll be when you leave her with a trusted adult and provide a concrete sign for your return that isn’t time based. “I’m going to the store. I’ll be back after your nap time.” Practice saying goodbye. Create a ritual – air hugs, blowing kisses, wave as you leave.
Teach emotional self-regulation. Help your child use her words to express emotions and explain that feelings are OK. There are several great books that explore this (and it’s wonderful that you read to her). I’m especially fond of “Ruby Finds a Worry” and “Milo’s Monsters,” by Tom Percival, “Waiting is NOT Easy,” by Mo Williams, and “The Rabbit Listened,” by Cory Doerrfeld.
Create social opportunities. Preschool helps, but I also contacted mothers of children my children’s age and made a play group. We rotated houses and snacks; we mothers enjoyed the social time as much as the children. Role play “getting along with others” by taking the role of the child and letting your little one pretend to be the parent. I still chuckle at the mom whose son told her, when they role-played bedtime, that she needed to be asleep by 5 p.m.!
Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom. She’s going to do well. Thanks again.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.