How much screen time is too much?
Q.Would you please answer my question in your column so I can show it to my dad? So, my mom and dad divorced when I was 9. He remarried when I was 10 and moved away. Then he and his wife had a little boy. He’s four now. He’s my only sibling. I really love him, not in a stereotypical stepbrother way, but as a brother for real. And he likes me a lot. I play with him pretty much nonstop when I visit them. Since my dad lives out of state, I spend every other holiday with him and part of the summer. I love being with my brother. He’s smart and fun and a great kid. Here’s my problem. When my dad’s at work, his wife gives my 4-year-old brother her phone or iPad, pretty much all day. I read that screens aren’t good for little kids. One day, I told her so. I said you should know that screens are bad for him. She was livid. She told me when I become a father, I can tell her how to be a parent. I leave for my dad’s house for a month soon. I need to find a balance between trying to get along with my stepmom and protecting my little brother. I’m hoping you’ll agree with me about the screens and I can use your column to start a conversation with my dad. Thanks in advance. – 16-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Your maturity and love for your little brother is wonderful. I’m glad he has you in his life. Family is important. Yes, I believe you’re right about screens and small children, but you don’t need to rely on my opinion – here’s a statement from the experts: The American Academy of Pediatrics advises that babies and children 18 months or younger should have no screen time at all. An exception would be for video calls with relatives. For children 18 months to 5 years, consider having no more than one hour of screen time per day. For children 5 and older, including teens, make a “family media plan” that is right for your child and family. The American Academy of Pediatrics has information to help you make a family media plan online
at: www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspx.
There are numerous studies showing how excessive screen time can affect children’s growth and development. This link will take you to an evidence-based (meaning the practices have been studied extensively) examination of the way screens can hinder brain development, social skills, sleep quality and academic performance – Screen Time Effects on Child Development: Evidence Guide.
Your idea of showing your dad this column is a good start to connecting. I recommend improving communication with both your dad and your stepmom. Have you heard of an “I” message? Many times, we can say what we feel more effectively by switching the focus of our words. An I-message is a communication technique where a speaker expresses their own feelings, needs, or experiences without blaming or accusing the listener, typically starting with “I.” For example, you might have shared your feelings with your stepmom by saying, “I read that screens are bad for little kids. I want my brother to grow up well. I feel too many screens may hurt him.” No blame is given, your stepmom may not feel as criticized, and you convey your feelings and concern for your little brother.
Your dad could be a great ally. Hopefully, he will be pleased you are interested in your brother’s well-being. He also needs to know his wife’s reaction to your words. I want you to feel safe at your dad’s house. Good luck. Continue to communicate what matters. You’re a great big brother.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.