Finding common ground on digital devices
Q. The Olympics are over and I’m bored. I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s not really that the Olympics are over as much as my parents monitor my social media use on my phone and Chromebook. And I’m allowed to watch only the TV they approve – which is how I got so into the Olympics. My mom said girls my age are depressed from too much social media. I’m not depressed I’m bored. Mom reads your column. Will you please tell her that people my age are on their phones ALL the time and nothing bad happens to them? I am limited to 2 hours a day and she takes my phone and computer when I go to bed. SHE TAKES MY PHONE WHEN I GO TO BED! Before you ask, no, I didn’t do anything wrong on social media, my parents have just always been weird about it. I was the oldest person in my class to get a phone! They’ve always preached about screen time. Then some teen in my school was accused of catfishing and mom went ballistic. I didn’t do anything, I don’t know why I’m being punished. Please tell parents to lighten up. Not all teens do the wrong thing on social media. – 15-year-old.
Mary Jo’s Response: You’re absolutely right. Not all teens do the wrong thing on social media. I also agree you should not be punished for something you didn’t do.
However, I can see your parents’ concern. Some research does link social media use and depression, especially in teen girls. A parent’s job is to educate and protect their children. When something bad happens, involved parents evaluate their guidelines to increase protection. I agree losing online privileges deserves an examination. Let’s check out what the experts say.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not give a suggested screen time for adolescent use but instead released a policy statement on digital ecosystems that focuses on quality of content instead of quantity. The AAP defines a digital ecosystem as digital environments, including but not limited to the internet, algorithms, artificial intelligence, social media, apps, video games, TV, interactive agents, tablets, and mobile devices.
Here are the AAP key points:
Digital ecosystems have a place in education. When these systems are health-promoting and created to meet family needs, children typically thrive.
Digital ecosystems are complicated, however. When these systems lack adequate investment, caregivers and children are likely to experience adverse impacts on their well-being
Each young person is unique. Every child or teen develops their own unique relationships with media based on their temperament, strengths, and how platforms personalize content.
Emotional self-regulation matters. Emotional regulation plays a key role in children’s digital media use. Using digital devices for soothing can displace opportunities for children to develop skills managing their emotions.
Child/teen development is important. When a digital ecosystem is designed with children’s unique developmental needs in mind, it can support learning and well-being. In contrast, digital ecosystems that prioritize engagement and commercialization often encourage prolonged use, which in turn can displace healthy behaviors (eg, movement behaviors, sleep), and contribute to negative outcomes.
The full policy statement is available on the American Academy of Pediatrics website.
I think you and your parents should talk openly. I suggest parents/teens create a written contract about online use that considers many factors, including quality of use vs. quantity of time. The contract should be negotiated together in good faith and consequences for breach of contract should be mutually decided. Using digital ecosystems to enhance education is positive. Falling down rabbit holes of viewing video after video and losing sleep is negative. Your behavior counts, not the poor choices others make. I hope you can find common ground. Good luck.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.