Feeling anxious about prom
Q. I’m anxious about prom. This happens every year at this time. I’m a shy person. I do well enough in school. My grades are okay. My teachers don’t seem to mind if I’m quiet and keep to myself as long as I do my work. But socially, I’m not exactly popular. I have a few friends but really, they’re more like acquaintances. As a freshman and sophomore, I told myself prom was for juniors and seniors and my day would come. Last year I wanted to go. I even thought about asking someone. But I just couldn’t do it. Now, I’m a senior, and if I don’t go this year, I’ll have lost the chance. I don’t know why it matters to me. It’s just a silly dance. But it feels almost like a rite of passage that I’m missing. Is this a stupid thing to be anxious about with all the horrible things happening in the world? I think about teens in the Ukraine and I feel guilty for worrying about a silly dance. – 17-year-old
Mary Jo’s Response: Our lives are our own. Your consideration of the challenges a Ukrainian teen faces shows your humanity, but it doesn’t remove your own concerns. In some ways, prom is indeed an American rite of passage. It’s not at all silly to want to participate.
I think there are some possible solutions to your dilemma. Before we address them, however, I’d like to talk about you. You say you’re a shy person as if that’s a bad thing. All of us are unique and all of us are worthy. Developing social skills is important if you want to become more active socially, but you do not need to become a different person to be a person of worth. People can be introverts or extroverts, or even a combination of both traits. Introverts recharge in solitude or with a few chosen people; extroverts recharge with a group. Both are excellent ways to go through life. Your personality is your own. Embrace it.
Learning to be more social can be as simple as reaching out to those people who you deem acquaintances and making them friends. Friendship can be a healthy life relationship, and the best way to find a friend is to be one. Here are some hints:
Listen to others. Show genuine concern for them. Join in conversations.
Break the ice. Don’t wait for someone to start a conversation, initiate one.
Engage in school activities. Join clubs. Attend sporting events.
Greet people by name. Make eye contact. Give appropriate compliments.
Seek out others who appear to be quiet and gently involve them in small talk. Notice things about their lives that seem important to them. Pay attention to others.
Many teens go to prom with friends, so asking someone as a date may not be necessary. To enhance your
social skills, if you’re local to Washington, I also suggest our Common Ground Teen Center. All types of teens attend – shy teens, outgoing teens, teens who love to play games and those who love to sit quietly and read. The center is at 92 N. Main Street in Washington and is open Monday through Friday from 4 to 8 p.m. It’s a safe space for teens.
We even have our own prom. The Teen Executive Board decided to host a private prom and Saturday, May 16, will be our third year. Our prom is free. Teens dress up, dance, eat fancy snacks and enjoy each other’s company. Join us and experience a prom that is non-threatening, fun and safe for shy and outgoing teens.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email p. odmj@healthyteens.com.