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Tips for online dating

4 min read

The name of Mary Jo Podgurski’s advice column in the Observer-Reporter is “Ask Mary Jo,” so we did just that, posing a question about exercising caution when looking online for a relationship. Here is her response:

I’m not opposed to dating online. Meeting someone online is generational, technologically on target, and may even be safer than meeting someone in a bar. Most online dating sites require members to put some thought into their profiles. Could an individual lie? Sure, but so could a stranger one meets face to face.

Still, there are dangers. Individuals involved in online dating should follow some simple guidelines:

1. Select a reputable site: Don’t go to a singles’ site that’s not monitored or where screening doesn’t take place. Choose a site with a long-term reputation. Check out anonymous technology that allows you to protect your identity. Some sites even have technology that allows two people to talk with one another without giving out their personal phone numbers.

2. Create an anonymous email account: It’s easy to select a free email service. Use Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail or Hushmail. Some dating sites offer free in-house email as well.

3. Protect your identity: Don’t give out your home address. If you must use an address, consider a post office box. Be cautious before revealing a personal phone number.

4. Mixed signals: Be aware that online “signals” may be inaccurate. In other words, what is appealing online may be less or more attractive in person. Online profiles don’t allow for signals like personality, tone of voice, movements, speech, posture, even aroma. Meeting someone face to face can fill in blanks, can enhance an individual’s appeal, or can be very disappointing. Chemistry between two people is much broader than an online profile can provide.

5. Be patient: Online dating takes time and commitment. Typically, two people communicate online, move to a phone call, then meet in person. What happens if an individual feels right online, is charming on the phone, but falls flat at a first meeting? Should a second be arranged? Maybe. A lot depends on your connection online, your openmindedness and your patience. Don’t expect “love at first sight.” That only happens in movies.

6. Follow your gut instinct: Don’t hesitate to block anyone who makes you uncomfortable. Step back and analyze. Does the individual respond to questions as the profile indicates? If a person states a profession like nursing but has no health care knowledge, you’ve found a red flag. How quickly is this person coming on sexually? If something feels unsafe, it probably is. Trust yourself. Keep copies of correspondence. Cyberstalking requires proof.

7. Challenge of “too much”: Online dating sites can offer an abundance of choices. Ironically, the sheer volume of profiles on some dating sites may make selection challenging. Be sharp. Google an individual’s profile name. Meet face to face only when you feel secure.

8. Ready to meet? Exercise caution and meet in a public place. Provide your own transportation. Tell friends where you’re meeting, have your phone charged and avoid one-on-one private encounters until you feel at ease.

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