No monsters here: Mothers-in-law celebrated
Janet LaPosta of Washington gets a big hug and squeeze from her grandson, Dylan Knox, 6, between innings at his ball game near Victory Civic and Social in Monongahela. Lance Knox, Dylan’s father and Janet’s son-in-law, is one of the coaches for Dylan’s team.
Janet LaPosta of Washington gives the “thumbs up” to her grandson, Dylan Knox, 6, as he throws his arms up toward her after hitting a single during his game at the ballfield near Victory Civic and Social in Monongahela.
Janet LaPosta of Washington waits with open arms to hug her grandson, Dylan Knox, 6, between innings at his ballgame near Victory Civic and Social in Monongahela. Lance Knox, Dylan’s father and Janet’s son-in-law, is one of the coaches for Dylan’s team.
Helen “Chickie” Miles has a great relationship with her daughter-in-law, Kathy Jo Lajevic Miles. She lives with Kathy, her son and their children at their home near Muse.
Chickie Miles has a great relationship with her daughter-in-law, Kathy Jo Miles. She lives with Kathy Jo, her son and their children at their home near Muse.
Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of wonderful moms, including mothers-in-law.
While they are often depicted as “monsters-in-law” (think Marie Barone of “Everybody Loves Raymond,” the top-notch housewife whom daughter-in-law Debra could never live up to, or Pearl Slaghoople, the classic nagging mother-in-law to Fred Flintstone), many mothers-in-law have a great relationship with their son’s or daughter’s spouse.
Research shows that tension between a woman and her daughter-in-law is more common than stress between a woman and her son-in-law.
But that’s not the case for Kathy Jo Lajevic Miles of Canonsburg.
She said her mother-in-law, Helen “Chickie” Miles, has been like another mother to her since Kathy married her husband, Rich, 21 years ago.
“She’s just an angel to me,” said Kathy. “I’ve always gotten along well with her.”
Chickie, a widow, moved in with Miles about eight years ago after Rich, now an auditor at The Meadows Racetrack & Casino, lost his job and moved to Michigan for work.
Kathy, a nurse who was working part time, stayed behind because one of her children, Josh, has autism and was undergoing therapy.
“My husband was dead-set against us all moving. All of our support is here,” said Kathy. “It worked out because she’d be with the kids while I took Josh to therapy. I didn’t have to lug the other kids.”
Chickie stayed with the family after Rich landed the auditor’s job after nearly two years in Michigan.
Rich and Kathy gave up their first-floor master bedroom and converted a room into a sitting room for Chickie so she can have some privacy.
Chickie loves to cook and clean (Kathy rarely has to prepare dinner), and she enjoys spending the time with her grandchildren.
“She’s very involved with my children’s lives. She takes them to events and everyone there knows my mother-in-law,” said Kathy.
She considers it a bonus her mother and Chickie are great friends who socialize together.
“My mother-in-law has been a rock,” said Kathy. “We’ve got our moments, just like everybody else, but for the most part it’s been a good ride.”
Lance Knox of Bentleyville felt accepted by his mother-in-law, Janet LaPosta, from the first time he met her.
“We’ve always gotten along. She always tells me I’m her son and buys me cards that say ‘To my son.’ She treated me like one of her own from the start. She’s one of the most personable people you’ll ever meet. She’s super friendly and has a good sense of humor,” said Knox. “I really do love her a lot.”
Knox and his wife, Jamie, have been married for 13 years, and LaPosta accompanies their family on annual vacations to Cape Hatteras, N.C., and the three often play board games and Bananagrams after the kids go to sleep.
LaPosta loves her role as Grandma Jan to her grandchildren.
“The kids are always excited to go over Grandma Jan’s house, and we get to do a date night or a weekend sometimes, thanks to Jan and my folks,” said Knox.
Mark Pecosh, a licensed counselor in private practice in Washington, said it’s beneficial for married couples to have healthy relationships with their mothers-in-law.
According to Pecosh, married men can turn to their mothers-in-law for help, including with grandchildren or with their own relationship. Married women, he said, can gain valuable insight about their husbands by talking to the woman who raised him.
“When we value our mother-in-law and speak about her in respectful terms, we model that behavior for the next generation,” said Pecosh, who describes his own mother-in-law, Linda Logue, as kind, caring and generous. “If you don’t enjoy an immediate rapport with your mother-in-law, my advice is to work on it, to find some common ground, for you’ll likely both benefit from a healthy relationship. Think, too, of your spouse, who will appreciate the effort that you put into getting along or, at the very least, being civil.”
Eric McGrosky’s mother-in-law, Rose Almasy of Washington, found the way to his heart is through his stomach.
“She’s a great cook and she always has a beer in the fridge,” said McGrosky, of Clinton. “She cooks Italian food and she makes the best wedding soup.”
McGrosky said Rose has been supportive of him and his wife, Maria, but has never been intrusive.
“She’ll provide advice if asked, but she’s definitely not the meddling type,” said McGrosky.
Kelly Martin’s mother-in-law, Holly Martin of North Strabane Township, has three sons, so “she’s excited to have a girl around,” said Kelly.
Kelly, 23, said her mother-in-law welcomed her with arms wide open when she and Holly’s son, Michael, began dating.
“She’s great. She’s very supportive. Even if we don’t agree on something, she kind of lets us make our mistakes and lets us live. She’s always there for us,” said Kelly.
Holly Martin and Kelly’s mother, Debbie Link, are close friends, and the pair planned Kelly and her husband, Michael’s, wedding nearly a year ago on the Martin family’s dairy farm.
“I just want her to know how thankful I am and how blessed I feel that she’s my mother-in-law,” said Kelly. “It’s definitely nice to have a mother-in-law that I’m so close with. She’s definitely one in a million.”