Protin column
We’ve all had at least one mentor, teacher, leader, friend, or parent that has impacted our lives in some positive way. Someone who has made the difference in our lives; who has made us better and helped us become the adult we are today. It’s not always a big splash it’s more likely a very subtle gesture. Subtle or splashy the one thing it can never be is hollow. If your heart is not in it never sit in someone’s empty chair unless you plan to fill it, not just occupy it. You will only ensure that the chair is kept empty. To fill it is to do so with love, compassion, kindness and a bit of discipline and hard work.
On the day of our birth we all have an empty chair sitting there waiting for us. It’s a chair that we will carry throughout our lives, from place to place, year after year. It can be a big comfy chair or a wooden kitchen chair. The chair will have a profound impact on our lives, not for its style but for its various occupants. The chair will be occupied by the people who will guide us emotionally, physically, and spiritually in our lives. At first the person in our chair is a parent but throughout our lives our person in the chair will change, continuously replaced by someone new, and at times our person will come and go and even sit in the chair for different reasons.
Parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, and coaches will be in our chair. There will be times when our chair is empty and we will feel as though we have been cast off, not really knowing our destination. Everyone who spends time in our chair brings value to our lives be it positive or negative, their time in our chair and the lessons we learn from them help to shape who we become. In my life there have been many people sitting in my chair and through the years my chair has taken on different meanings depending upon who was there at a particular time.
Eventually the time will come when we are sitting in someone’s chair. It may be our child, a sibling, a friend, colleague or maybe even a parent. Being invited to sit in someone’s chair is not a right of birth or station in life. To occupy someone’s chair is both honor and privilege. The relationship is at once simple and complex. When you have influence, be it as a parent, teacher, mentor or friend you have been given the very future of humanity to hold in the palm of your hand. Children become like the adults who have influenced them along their journey. When you sit in the chair of a child you must live the life you want for them and be the person you want them to be. Too often we underestimate the power of kindness in a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
To receive the honor of being in someone’s chair you don’t have to be a genius or a millionaire. In fact those are two things that are not required. You do however have to be a second living person, be of strong character who measures success by helping others succeed. Living a loving life, loving and respecting your fellow human beings regardless of your physical and emotional connection to them takes strength and courage. When your daily choices are driven by love you bring happiness to everyone around you. Love does not care about race or gender, religious beliefs or political affiliations. Love will give you the courage to stand up for what is right and not simply what is popular even if it means standing alone.
Kindness, compassion, respect and courage all reside in a loving heart. Never let hate steal your heart. When hate enters your loving heart you lose yourself. It seems that living with love, a full heart and a peaceful soul means you are weak. Being kind and respectful of others has taken a back seat to bragging and self-promotion. In this upside down society we live in it is no longer cool to be a gentleman. Pulling out a woman’s chair, opening doors for her, walking on the street-side of the sidewalk, these are some of the basic things my father taught me about being a man from as early as I can remember and I grew up around men who lived this way. The common denominator is you. We can be anything and everything you want us to be. We simply must identify it and put in the work to achieve it.