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Older dads relish the joys of fatherhood

4 min read
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Photo courtesy of John Frazier

John Frazier, right, with his son, John, daughter, Frances, and wife, Nicole

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Photo courtesy of Denise Blum

West Alexander resident Louie Blum with his children, from left, Kyndle, Gunner and Augustus

Dads traditionally get deluged with “guy stuff” like propane grills, razors and wallets on Father’s Day, but West Alexander resident Louie Blum was the recipient of an unforgettable gift on Father’s Day four years ago.

He became a father for the first time at age 41.

Two more have followed for Blum and his wife, Denise, with the youngest being 5 months old.

“I’m living for my kids right now,” Blum explained last week. “I’m not living for myself.”

The average age where men become fathers for the first time in the United States has been creeping up in recent years. A 2017 report by Stanford University found the average age of new dads in America was 30.9, increasing from age 27 in 1972. The study also found that 9% of children born in the United States every year have fathers over age of 40. That’s twice as many as the 1970s. And 40,000 children born in the United States every year have dads over age 50.

Mothers have been getting older, too, and young people have been delaying marriage and childrearing in order to launch careers, build a more solid financial foundation, and get to know themselves a little better. And, because there are no biological impediments to doing so, men have been fathering children when they might also be dandling grandchildren on their knees for ages.

John Tyler, the 10th U.S. president, had seven children after he turned 56, with the last being born when he was 70; Charlie Chaplin, the revered film star and director, had eight children after he turned 56, with the youngest, the musician Christopher Chaplin, having been born when Chaplin was 74. Grover Cleveland, Donald Trump, Warren Beatty, Clint Eastwood, Paul McCartney, Pablo Picasso, Marlon Brando, Mick Jagger, George Clooney, Jeff Goldblum and Steve Martin are among the luminaries who have become new dads at the midpoint of their lives or beyond.

Justin Trudeau, the prime minister of Canada, was born when his father was 52.

Older fatherhood, like parenthood at any age, comes with its share of pluses and minuses. On the one hand, older dads tend to be more financially secure and more patient with their children than they would have been at, say, 25. But then there are concerns about being able to keep up with children who might be heading toward college just as their dad has started retirement, or whether middle-aged muscles will be torn or pulled while tossing footballs or baseballs in the backyard.

There have also been well-publicized studies indicating that older fathers might end up siring children with a higher risk for autism or schizophrenia, though researchers say the odds are still small. On the flip side, some researchers say the children of older fathers tend to live longer.

Kristi Walsh, a California-based family and marriage therapist, told the Chicago Tribune in 2014, “Life stretches out in the 40s. Some of the basic tasks of solidifying an identity and place in the world have occurred, and one’s energy circles back around to home and family. Dragons have been slain, and lands have been conquered. By 40, there is less to prove.”

Blum explained that “everything is an adjustment” when it comes to midlife fatherhood, both physically and mentally, but that he probably appreciates his children more than if they had come into his life when he was younger. And though it might take a little longer to rebound from calming a child when they have a restless night, Blum says its endurable.

“You live through that, and you’re happier,” he said.

John Frazier, a Washington-area cardiologist, became a father when he was 49 and again when he was 55. He pushes back against the notion that the children of older fathers lose out in terms of engagement or time.

“I never felt that my kids were deprived in any way,” he explained. “We feel blessed that we had the children and they came along when they did. We think they’re wonderful children.”

Frazier’s children are now 29 and 23, and his son, also named John, just became a father himself. When they were younger, Frazier said he had no problem with keeping up with them.

“I never had a concern at all,” Frazier said. “We’ve always been active. I didn’t have a single concern.”

Not even with restless, sick or hungry babies in the wee hours of the morning?

“As a medical guy, I’m used to the phone calls all night,” Frazier said with a laugh.

Any advice he would give to men who are considering fatherhood when they are 40 or beyond?

“It’s worth it,” Frazier said. “It adds joy to your life. You think about the future rather than the present.”

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