close

OP-ED: Life expectancy gives us a number. Choose how you spend those years wisely.

By Nick Jacobs 4 min read

Let’s start with a cold, hard fact.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the average life expectancy of a white male in the United States as of 2021 was about 76.4 years, Fast forward to 2022, and for men of all races, that number dropped to 74.8 years. That was the result of the pandemic, injuries, and chronic diseases — nature’s party crashers.

For those of us who should have already been dead for six months, there is some slightly better news. Life expectancy is projected to rise overall to 79.4 years in 2025. That potentially puts some of us back in business for a little while.

For women, their lifespan is predicted to be around 81 years, a couple of years longer than the guys. A female friend told me that women live longer than men because “It takes them a little longer to get ready.”

Regardless, as we shuffle toward the horizon, not only will we face red, yellow, and green lights, but there’s also a better than average chance we’ll encounter a bright white one, too. So how do we spend the next few years wisely?

For the roughly 75 million voters who didn’t get their candidate in the last election, comedian Desi Lydic offered some sage advice: “The less I know, the better. It’s called self-care. Cover yourself in weighted blankets and wake up in 2029.”

For the 77 million on the winning side, you’ve got four years to celebrate. Enjoy responsibly, or irresponsibly-it’s your party.

Now, here’s where things get interesting. By 2029, the number of Americans aged 80 and older is projected to grow from 14 million to 16 million. That’s the result of aging baby boomers, who, despite their best efforts to cling to youth, are shuffling into the octogenarian club.

Currently, there are about 69 million baby boomers in the U.S. By 2029, that number will dip to 63 million, which means 6 million boomers will be exiting the bus.

What’s one real takeaway? Invest wisely in companies that cater to the elderly:

Depends (Even though I’d rebrand them “For Sure.”).

Stair lifts (Because who doesn’t like to ride upstairs five times a day?)

Hearing aids (So they can hear you yell, “Stop giving the kids candy!”).

And Cadillacs (Because nothing says “I’ve made it” like a luxury car with a turn signal that’s permanently on and screams cataracts.)

Honestly, old people kind of drive me nuts. Some act like rich, entitled white guys who’ve never heard the word no. Others are full-time Karens wielding complaints like “That’s where I park everyday. Get your car out of there.” And some just think living long gives them a free pass to do whatever they want.

If Elon Musk slashes $2 trillion from Social Security and Medicare, maybe they will ship the elderly to their own island-like, say, Greenland. And with any luck, I’ll miss that cruise and stay behind with the cooler generations who don’t start dinner at 4:30 p.m.

Speaking of dinner at 4:30, let me tell you about my 70 work trips to Florida between 2008 and 2015. The flights were like bingo games with wings-wheelchairs, pet carriers, and orthopedic shoes everywhere. But as soon as the plane landed, they’d sprint to baggage claim, fight for the front spot in the taxi line, and try to beat each other to the early-bird special.

Let me just say that I’ll stick with blizzards and freezing temps, thank you. Sure, my toes might freeze, but at least I won’t be in a WWE match for the last cup of green Jello.

So, whether you’re embracing your octogenarian destiny or planning your escape from Boomer Island, just remember: Life expectancy might give us a number, but how you spend those years is up to you. Choose wisely-or at least choose something with a good return on investment. Someone has to help pay for all those granddaughters’ weddings.

Nick Jacobs is a Windber resident.

CUSTOMER LOGIN

If you have an account and are registered for online access, sign in with your email address and password below.

NEW CUSTOMERS/UNREGISTERED ACCOUNTS

Never been a subscriber and want to subscribe, click the Subscribe button below.

Starting at $3.75/week.

Subscribe Today