Isolated and Alone
At 27 weeks pregnant, Corie was spiraling. She had spent the early months of her pregnancy unaware that she was in fact pregnant. The guilt of not knowing made her feel like a terrible mother. Unsure if her unborn daughter would be OK, Corie’s feelings manifested into negative emotions.
“My boyfriend told me he didn’t know who he was coming home to. Everything was negative for me. I went to counseling and kept a journal. I tried to write positive things, but I couldn’t,” the Cecil Township resident said. ” I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to disappear. I wrote that everyone would be better off without me.”
Overwhelmed, Corie cried constantly. Flooded with disappointment, Corie was unable to enjoy the remainder of her pregnancy or be happy for closest friends who were also pregnant.
“I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy or my daughter in my belly,” she said. “I couldn’t be around other pregnant women. I was jealous of the milestones that I didn’t get to have. Everything was so rushed for me.”
Corie’s feelings persisted after she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and eventually, she slipped to a “blackhole of emotions.”
“I would always call my boyfriend and ask him to come home,” she said. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I was with my daughter.”
Unable to endure her guilt and emotions any longer, Corie reached out to her doctor and was prescribed medication. But she was looking for more. She called numerous places looking for someone who specialized in postpartum depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, but was met with one obstacle after another.
“Half the places I called either never called me back or wouldn’t take my insurance,” she said. “No one listened to me when I thought I was pregnant and no one was listening to me when I was looking for help. The focus is always on the health of the baby, but what about the mother?”
Corie thought returning to work would help, but found it crippling.
“I was isolated because of the depression,” she said. “Being around my daughter made me feel good, but all of the responsibilities of being a mother was overwhelming. I was angry and I didn’t know what to do. “
Tired of the isolation, Corie turned to support groups and opened up to her family and friends about her feelings. Slowly, with the help of counseling and the support of her boyfriend, she’s also learning to forgive herself.
“I’m learning that it wasn’t my fault,” she said. “But I’ll never be able to shake what happened. It traumatized me.”
As she continues to heal, Corie makes sure to keep busy. Sharing her story helps.
“I’m very open and honest,” she said. “I don’t want others to feel alone and isolated.”
Having support during postpartum depression is critical. Recently, Washington County’s Behavioral Health and Developmental Services department received a grant from the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services and initiated by Senator Camera Bartolotta. The goal is to connect women with those much needed resources. They implemented an awareness campaign called “Maternal Mental Health Matters: EMPOWERED Over Postpartum Depression.”
Several women from Washington County, including Kate and Darby, volunteered to share their stories, helping to shatter the stigma of postpartum depression and remind women that help is available.
Mary Jo Patrick-Hatfield, WCBHDS’s mental health director, said they also used the grant to enhance the service delivery system so that Washington County had clinicians and case managers who would be trained in perinatal mood disorders.
“We actually sponsored a three-day training from Postpartum Support International. We had close to 75 participants who would be serving moms and families,” she said.
Postpartum depression has become more prevalent.
“As many as 1 and 5 mothers suffer from postpartum depression or anxiety. We have armed clinicians and caseworkers with the tools they need to help,” Beth Phillips, WCBHDS’s early intervention coordinator, said.
To connect with postpartum resources in Washington County, call Washington County’s Behavioral Health and Developmental Services at 724-228- 6832 or the Crisis Line at 1-877-225-3567. The services are confidential.
“We care deeply about the struggles that women and families encounter,” Patrick-Hatfield said. “We are committed to helping.”
Sponsored content brought to you by Maternal Mental Health Matters: EMPOWERED Over Postpartum Depression.