Aug 19, 2017 8 min read

My assignment was simple: determine the best high school football games to watch each week in the upcoming season.

How would I be able to accomplish this?

Well, now that was the hard part.

I determined there was one man, and one man only, whose opinion I could trust, the way a child trusts a mother, the way a lead singer in a rock group trusts the drummer to lay the beat, the way an English sheep dog trusts … well you get the idea.

I had to find the “Fat Man.”

You know him as Saturated Fats, and he has not been seen or heard from since the dramatic flameout at the end of last football season. I heard he was living with a group of pygmies in Rangoon, pilfering off the land and packing on the pounds.

My guides and I began our trip with a rented boat from a place called Pontoons-R-Us at the mouth of the Ganges River. The trip up river was dangerous, filled with wild animals, river rats, deadly snakes, and these tiny little things that burrowed under your skin and … well you get the picture.

On the fifth day, we discovered a hidden inlet and made our way to the dock. A wild-eyed bearded man with a camera slung around his neck was waiting for us, though no forward notice was given.

“Are you looking for Saturated Fats, the legendary pigskin prognosticator from Washington?” he asked.

I edged a little closer and said, ‘Yes, do you know where he is?”

“I’ll take you,” he said, and we started up the trail.

We walked in silence until I asked, “Do you know him well?”

The man looked around, excited by the question.

“I know something that you don’t know. That’s right, jack. The man is clear in his mind, but his soul is mad. Oh yeah. He’s dying, I think. He hates all this, he hates it. But … the man’s … uh … he reads poetry out loud, all right? And a voice! A voice. He likes you because you’re still alive. He’s got plans for you. Nah, nah, I’m not going to help you, you’re going to help him, man. You’re going to help him.”

I stared into the wild man’s eyes and said, “No, he’s going to help me pick the best local football games of the season.”

The man’s mouth dropped. “Huh?”

We came upon a dilapidated house and I walked into the hallway. It was dark and damp. I heard a noise to my left. It was him. It was Saturated Fats. He looked beaten, the glow of the room’s light reflecting off his bald head. He had a small bowl of water, which he dipped his hands into and brought to his face.

“Are you looking for me?” he said.

I was surprised how demoralized he looked. Still, I was on a mission.

“I need your help,” I said, “because …”

“I know what you need,” he interrupted, and pulled an envelope from his side and handed it to me.

“The only thing I ask is to wait until you are back before opening it.”

I agreed, thanked him and turned to leave.

“One other thing,” Fats said. “Tell Chris Dugan I am going to win the Observer-Reporter’s Football Picks contest this year.”

I nodded, but to make that claim? It was at this point I knew he had gone insane.

The trip back was agonizingly long, but I finally reached home. I removed the envelope from my coat and took out the paper inside. It read:

South Fayette at Central Valley: Perennial power South Fayette goes against a Central Valley team that is stepping up in class with a senior-laded group. Could be a shootout with two passing quarterbacks: Drew Saxton and CV’s Nico Battisti. Jelani Solomon, who transferred from Aliquippa, could make a huge impact for Central Valley.

Other games of note: Canon-McMillan at Kiski; West Greene at Bentworth at W&J’s Cameron Stadium; and Monessen at Charleroi.

Fort Cherry at California: Fort Cherry came away with a hard-fought 26-20 victory last year that eventually determined second place in the Tri-County South Conference. Controlling QB/RB/WR Ryhan Culberson will be crucial for the Trojans’ defense. Culberson had 213 total yards last year against California. Senior Jonathan Wood, sophomore Cochise Ryan and junior fullback Jelani Stafford provide a strong running game for Cal.

Other games of note: Charleroi at Washington, Trinity at West Mifflin and Greensburg Salem at Ringgold.

Trinity at Thomas Jefferson: This game might be a mismatch on paper, but Trinity’s performance in back-to-back difficult conference games will determine the Hillers’ path in the Class 4A Big 9 Conference. Tailback Joey Koroly is a threat to score every time he touches the football. The Jaguars are the defending WPIAL champion.

Other games of note:Greensburg Central Catholic at Fort Cherry and Bethel Park at Peters Township.

McGuffey at Mt. Pleasant: If the Highlanders are to make a charge in the Class 3A Interstate Conference this season, beating Mt. Pleasant will be key. A 24-17 win over the Vikings early gave hope. But, the season dissolved in a mass of injuries. The Vikings, who have a new head coach this season, have made the WPIAL playoffs eight consecutive seasons and have not had a losing season since 2008.

Other games of note: Burgettstown at Bentworth and Ringgold at Belle Vernon.

Hempfield at Peters Township: This Class 6A Southeast Conference showdown should be a display of top quarterbacks Jake Cortes of PT and Justin Sliwosky of Hempfield. The two combined for nearly 3,800 yards passing and 36 touchdowns. The Spartans will be looking to avenge last year’s 38-35 loss to the Indians.

Other games of note: Beth-Center at Bentworth and Washington at Frazier.

Ringgold at Thomas Jefferson: The Rams have split the past two meetings and this has typically been a high-energy game. Ringgold will pound running back Brenden Small, who last season rushed for 823 yards and 11 TDS while averaging 7.9 yards a carry. The Jaguars lost 13 seniors from a roster that produced a WPIAL Class AAAA championship and a Big 9 Conference title.

Other game of note: Yough at McGuffey.

South Fayette at New Castle: The players at South Fayette have this week circled on their calendars. The Red Hurricane ended the Lions’ playoff run with an amazing 51-43 victory in the first round of the WPIAL Class AAAA playoffs. New Castle lost its quarterback and top rusher from last year’s team, but Marcus Hooker, a wide receiver whose brother plays in the NFL with the Indianapolis Colts, is back. The Lions have one of, if not the best passing attacks, in the WPIAL with Saxton and wide receivers Dan Trimbur (36 receptions, 565 yards, 10 TDs) and Noah Plack (35, 679, 10).

Other games of note: Trinity at Belle Vernon and Carmichaels at California.

Canon-McMillan at Bethel Park: The co-champion of the Class 6A Southeast Conference should be the measuring stick for the upstart Big Macs. Bethel Park’s 40-20 win last year stopped C-M from finishing the season with a five-game winning streak.

Other games of note: Thomas Jefferson at Belle Vernon and Burgettstown at Charleroi

Washington at Burgettstown: Can any team stand in the way of Washington’s march to another Class AA Century Conference? Unlikely, but Burgettstown will try. The Prexies scored no fewer than 28 points in a regular-season game last year and returns size, speed and skill at nearly every position. Burgettstown needs to replace the graduated Brad McLaughlin at quarterback, but head coach Rich Druga is building a strong program. And the Blue Devils have a history of pulling upsets of Wash High late in the season.

Other games of note: Carmichaels at Fort Cherry, Belle Vernon at West Mifflin, Trinity at Greensburg Salem and Canon-McMillan at Peters Township.

Ringgold at Trinity: Ringgold has won the last four meetings in the Big 9 Conference, but these games are high-spirited among these rivals. This game should be wonderful matchups of different-styled running backs: Brenden Small of Ringgold and Joey Koroly of Trinity.

Other games of note: Washington at Beth-Center and McGuffey at Derry.

Assistant sports editor Joe Tuscano can be reached at jtuscano@observer-reporter.com