Betty Brooks
Betty Brooks has lost two things since becoming her mother’s primary caregiver: sleep and patience.
Betty spends six nights a week and every Saturday at the Burgettstown home of her mother, 86-year-old Anna Snatchko, leaving her husband, Gary, 62, to fend for himself at the couple’s McDonald home.
“If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be able to do this,” said Betty, 55, who married Gary, a widower, eight years ago. “I never dreamed I’d be home on a Saturday night watching my mom.”
But she’s OK with that.
“I had a fun life. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything,” she said. “I already did everything. When I divorced, I even had a ‘funner’ life.”
She admits, however, it’s not always easy.
Anna, who has Stage IV dementia, can be uncooperative. It’s those times – like when Anna won’t unclench her hands to use her wheelchair or when she refuses to brush her teeth – that put Betty to the test, prompting her to find more reasonable solutions.
“The hardest part is seeing her this way,” Betty said. “I remember all the good times we had, and this is how her life ends. I miss all those times we spent together.”
Anna also is hard of hearing, so Betty often has to raise her voice. Twice, she was reported to Adult Protective Services. After an investigation, the caseworker told Betty, “I had to yell so your mom would hear me.” The complaint was dropped.
“I feel sorry for my mom,” Betty said. “I get frustrated. It’s hard yelling all the time. It’s not pleasant. Nobody said this is what it was going to be like.
“At first, I shunned all the help; now, whatever help I can get, I take it.”
Betty’s daughter, Katie Fehl, and her niece, Kara Snatchko, each spend three days a week with Anna, and her sister, Judy Souffrant, spends Thursday evenings.
“The day I stop complaining is the day my mom will not be around,” Betty said. “It’s not bad if you’re a caretaker and get to go home.”
When she’s not tending to her mother’s needs, Betty is either watching her grandchildren so Katie can take over Anna’s care, or she’s caring for her husband, who has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Gary is on oxygen 24 hours a day and may be a candidate for a double-lung transplant. His cataract surgery has been put on hold because of the COPD.
“I know if something happens to my husband, and it’s a choice between my mom and husband, it’s got to be my husband,” Betty said.