Linda Dyson
Linda Dyson never wanted to be responsible for another human being. That’s one of the reasons she never married.
But life changed drastically for the 57-year-old Washington woman when she opened her home to her brother, Don, 56, in December.
“I’m a loner. I’m antisocial. I’d be perfectly happy to sit here and not talk to anyone,” Linda said. “I took him in not realizing how hard it was going to be.”
Don has Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, a form of dementia caused by a lack of vitamin B1. In Don’s case, the vitamin deficiency and ultimate brain damage was a result of chronic alcohol abuse.
“Being a caregiver is frustrating, very frustrating,” Linda said. “You lose yourself in this. Everything is about him. Every day’s different; every day’s a struggle.”
When Don was discharged from the nursing home, where he spent eight months after being found unresponsive on his bathroom floor, Linda was collecting unemployment and was free to care for him. Now, she said, she couldn’t afford to take a full-time job; she doesn’t trust leaving him alone for more than two or three hours at a time, and his age prevents him from receiving benefits reserved for the elderly.
Sometimes, one of her friends will come sit with him, “but it’s hard to find someone to help when you need or want it,” she said.
“We have a lot of relatives, but no family,” Linda said. “A lot of people said they’d help if I took him home. The day we walked in here, everybody’s gone, and I can’t pay people to stay with him.”
Don spends about five hours each weekday at Senior Life. Linda uses the time to go grocery shopping, attend doctor’s appointments and run other errands. She recently reconnected with a high school friend on Facebook, but there isn’t enough time for Linda to visit her in Waynesburg.
“I almost have no social life,” Linda said. “It doesn’t just ruin their lives: It affects a lot of people’s lives. I’ll get mad and say, ‘Why am I doing this?'”
Linda recently started receiving in-home help with Don’s bedtime routine from Senior Life. He’s not combative with them, and he doesn’t get as angry as he does with Linda.
“It frustrates me more than anything that you lose yourself, but it seems so selfish to put him in a nursing home,” Linda said. “I couldn’t live with the guilt if I didn’t try. I will keep him here as long as I can.”
Occasionally, Linda will take a short ride, driving aimlessly just to clear her head. She also has joined a support group that meets at Presbyterian SeniorCare to help her cope.
“I don’t see how others can turn their backs,” Linda said. “I can’t turn my back. He’s my brother. I have to do something.”