Results are in: Fats wins week by a landslide
The crowd gathered around the big man at the hall. They were eager to ask him some questions. He was only too happy to take their questions.
Reporter: Were you surprised at the vote total?
Saturated Fats: No, not in the least. I should have you all know I’m very electable.
Reporter: Well then, what’s the plan for the city?
Saturated Fats: I’m going to clean it up. You can count on that.
A rumbling went through the crowd as the newly elected mayor walked into the hall. The crowd of reporters broke off from interviewing Saturated Fats and scurried to where the new mayor was standing.
Reporter: Mr. Mayor, what will be your priority after winning election?
Mayor: I’m going to clean it up. You can count on that.
Reporter: That’s what Fats said.
Mayor: Whose Fats?
A big man with stains on his whiite suit and untied shoes made his way over to the mayor.
Saturated Fats: Mr. Mayor. I am Saturated Fats.
Mayor: Who?
Saturated Fats: I am Saturated Fats, newly elected to office and one great sports prognosticator.
Mayor: I don’t seem to remember what office you ran for.
Saturated Fats: Remember sir, when you said I couldn’t get elected dog catcher. Well, let me introduce the newly elected dog catcher of this fair city.
Mayor: You?
Saturated Fats: Yes, me. But I must admit that the real talent I have is in picking football winners.
Mayor: Oh, sort of like Jimmy the Greek. What newspaper do you work for? The Times? The Post?
Saturated Fats: While those are some prestigious works of journalism, unfortunately, I don’t work for any of them.
Mayor: Then for which paper?
Saturated Fats: The Observer-Reporter in the quaint town of Washington, Pennsylvania.
Mayor: Never heard of either, I must admit.
Saturated Fats: I am enjoying one of my best seasons. I’m on a 14-game winning streak and went 10-0 last week. That’s the only perfect week by any picker this year. That Joe Tuscano, he is having a terrible year. He keeps trying to be optimistic, but forget about the light, Joe can’t even see the tunnel. He must have a hole in his head to think he can beat me this year. And Chris Dugan, the sports editor at the paper, his picks are as cold as the weather. Maybe that’s why he’s always complaining about being cold in the office. Put on another hoodie, pal. And Luke Campbell, we call him The Kid. He’s young and a new dad. He’s made some good picks so far while changing diapers.
Mayor: I’m sure they are good people.
Saturated Fats: No, not really. It’s a cut-throat business and I excel at it. I am on the move, man, so follow my picks. By the way, mayor, do you have a dog?