Nov 5, 2020 10 min read

Eric Hoeke, pastor, Avery Church. 

So that’s i’ve been thingking about that all wek, a lot of poel say they’re not sure if it’s possible at this point or those divisions to healt but i think it is, i acknowlege there are peopel who wont’ be part of healingi realsitonship but it’s up to each of us determiem i fe w ewatn to b e ine reialtions ihwp with peopel with homw we diagree.

The mot impoertant thinkg to begin ihealing is tor emmber shared values we have with particular peopel ,  in our chicuh we have a concerneation that represenseit swahsington county, proegerssive, comnesrivatd, dmes and rep, some are ferbernt suprporters of trump and other s who suport dibedn and wea ll mange to stand in relatinsip wih tehah other. Soemtiems it ba bout having open conerratiosntw ith each toher, remind ourselves the values we ahre as a comunity ar more imporatn that the difrerences that we have.

TBH, i htink, when we relaly thing about it, tehrea reogoing to be palces because we are a group of indieifuidals, ttha we’r enot going to agree on things. We don t alwasy agree as a church o scerian tissues, LGBTQ rights, what’s the best way to get the econonmy going, frakcing. 

First of allw eh avehv sheraed avuele of our faith, and everybyd thaty’s a paort of tour church cares about caring fo the least, the last and the lsot, we all avlue helpig our coumuntiy in tanbiglbe ways, we all avaule helpting to provide health and welleness for children en ielementery schoo, when we all rally arudn the things we care about, reminds us the things we disagree about are theye importnat yest, but what’s mroe in proent is the things were aboel to rally around, It’s a miorocosm of ommunith.

WE can unite around, knowking wht we dong’a ergree about is siomeprtnat, but if we can rally around things we agree about, we can regoznide and learn from a preserictive we’ve never hear of obefore.

Tehres a likelihood not heveryvy’d’s going to be a part of hte healting, i dsay that because, it breaks my heart when i shay that because everyboyd can be if they want to, but part of healing also includes rejecting certian vailues outright. If we’re going to heal on a loal velv or a global levve ione of hte things that has to be rejected is the idea of heating other people and dehumanizing other peopel

I don’t think anybone ihwo is s awhite suerpecmeacist is going to be  aprt of healing, i dont’ thinak anyone who says they cant’ be in a relationsihp wiht someoen who vote s differnetly than them can heal, becaus e you cant brigdtge that divide enought to bridge that diviede. 

You’re gont going tforce peopel to heal if they’re not willing to or ready to. This is not going to happen overnihgt. This is  i think this is rpobalby going to tkae longer than any of us want it to take and we can’t put a timre frome on it. I 

I’ll be honest, i ‘ have never before seen open harassment and hatred of other of peopel who vote diererntly or think differently be so acceptable, that is what is most heartbreaking to me, we’ve allowed this space for peopel tonot attck issues tbut to attack otehr citizens, but ratnehr than say i disagree with this sisue or this idea the candidiate is uprruing for,th, it’s hi hate thiese peopel who supprot this idea, wh are differnet. What’s hare, to mei, si what’s happenign on both the lef tand the right it’s becomeing more aceptable to turn it inot perosnal attack. i think that starts at the top and it flows down to ordinary citizens, so me of that blme for tha hapepning and growing is palced on politiciatns on both side, certain mediea outlets who tend to chase ratings by doing that, an da lot of us get so easilty sucked into. 

Absolutely, tehre are professional sin every community that are ablet ot help work through any kind of configlct we have in interprosinal relatikonsis, pastors, therapists are able to ehlp, sometimes that becomes necessary, ti’s againg a process that taes time, sometietes we’r eat the poitn we can not work through interperiosnal configlt uncless we have an outside meiatoator to help us, sometoiems the way to work through it is to set boundaries for the relatinsip, sometimes teh best way to maintian respect for each other is to limit how often we are together, some peopel i can spend all my time with , other peopel i know if i get too close to we’re gonna have concrevations that drive a wedge between us, sometits have to limit what we ctalk about, settings we are in. Everyt We alll have to figure out what’s bet sof reach realtionship .

 I do think it’s important to resist the echochamber, it’s something that temps all of us and pulls all of us perhaps without us even knowing it. In terms of building in person relatinshiosp only with people who valudate only what we believe. one of hte things our church lif up as a value is being an includsie chcurhc means creating space for peopel with different politital and idological viewpoints, sometimes there arent’ wpeopel who are willing to do that work, tey find our church isnt the best palce for htem. For those wh are aprt of our churhc, i believe it’s created a model, not alwyas perfect, how do we force ourselfes to tstay in realtinsihpw with jpeopel hwa re going to stay thing we areont’ going to agree with, and how do we love them. 

Id’ say, we all, a lot of times i think peopel underestimate the infuclence they have on the people areound them, i alwyas remind the people of my church that they have influcene, other peopel wath the way they act and listedn to the way they talk, hatred and rejection of toehr peopel spreads like a virust, so does love, udnerstaind and empathy, ife  we act and spek in emtpehatic and lvoing way, srpeasds in 

Most of us have in some way, it’s been hard. you just kind of take it one day at a time. 

JAYNA and RACHEL.

JAYNA  alo to fstudents with reosion in relationship and firendship, client said a peer was schecking out voters registration registaions of firends to see if they are dems, call a friend who is independent ansd said why? person said it don’t like party politics, if you vote for the worng candidate, we can’t be friends, unfriending them and unfoloing them, his guise is that i’ don’t want people in my circle aligned with a party that in his mind supports racism, sexism, when did iwe stop having conversastiona dn view firendships with through such a narrow lens. 

RAHCEL – i refer students, to where they need to be, bu i have had students reach out t me about concersnw tih family members, feeling very isolted, feeling, like jayna said they can’t express opitoins, nod and smile, not stir the pot so to spek, others email me that ey’ve unfriended me, that’s fine, unfloowing is probably better than a confrontaiton that can turn ugly. a lot of uoung people hav forgottoen how to have uncomfortable converstaions, when peopel espeaicaly are rooted depply 

I don’t know, if you watnched teh debates they couldn’t communitecate effectively, doesn’t necessary have to do with age RACHEL – people are so hugnho about who tehy stnad y theyd can’t udnerstand how someone could feel differently.

JAYNEA – younger people tend to swear by social media and it give you want you want, you can make all of your news and feed sanitized to your belife. You only get your info from right or left lens, and think, how can they think that? I do feel this is the first election that i realized therapy is clinicl in sense people bring me everyting when a woman disowns this woman becuaese of thwat they belive. There’s usually this whole list of slights. Like this young man basically outing his convseraviet peers, what is it about him that makes him want to engage in that way. 

you could just let them be, you don’t have to out them. According to him, this is idffernt htis time, I thought Bush V. Gore is it, the republic’s going to fall, gore was sorry. I remembered thinking as they touhg oh my gosh this is the most stressful and poarlizing, yets it is, but we have this amplifier that is coila mdeia. I liek social mediea but it hink it’s to

Agree to disagree counts for a lot oft higns, but it doesn’t account for htings like racism, students feel they grew up racist homes, a lot of people bought into the nearative, he tried to pass coutnerfeit bills aor had a drgu proablam, ut we can all see what happend that its

We can’t agree to distree and we have to walk away, espeically fracism and homosiexoualyt

Wer’e talking about issue related to integrity and decency of other people, they find that concernign, . With age somcomes a soff Idealism is part of being a houng person, you have those ideasl and you want everyone to have these ideasl, battle-scarred .

There’s an issue with discernment, if you’re existing in an echochamber media, yeah you’re right cut that person off, that’s support 

If i’m guiesing I view myself as a centrist, i grew up in DC, I’m a centrils, left sically, i have a daughter who is 13, you are the progresive wing, AOC, i went to Georgetown, 

Seh’ll say things, we all should pay more taxes, would you like to go t college, . She sses things on her feed, and has an idea of how the world should be, 

Students face is setting boundareis, it’s an issue they face, struggle with setting boundareis, wehn to stop talking about somethihngn I had to tell some of my clients, you don’t have to reveal who you’re voting for, 

oil and gas, girl, fracking boom, saw their income rise, didn’t feel super strongly about policy, friends are like who did you vote for, she said i don’t want to talk about the eelction. 

RACHEL -everyone poste every thought they evr had, i think fb was just beocign a thing, we didn’t post every single though, peopel don’t feel uncomforatlbe asking uncomforatle quesitons, theyre .

I don’t necessarily think {RACHEl – you can have conreastions with people who have very diferent belifs thatn you  and you can with out attaciing the way they fell hard because they so strongly believe in their stanc, have conersations in a kind wayyo u atract more bees with honey, you cna have diagreemnts  in a kind respective way.

Agner is a secondary emotion, it’s coveirng up sandenss or frustartion, instead of getting anyry, you can express that instead of attackin, ghten are you any better, i say when you snap or get in sonmeone’s face i ask how does that make you feel, i felt like crap, i felt awul, , you’re reaction was defensive. 

Part of it is people have to take care of themselve and tend to self-care, there’s this boubule of consuming info, get job, are you getting enough spleep, eathing healthy food, take a walk, we have to ear masks, can socially distance, light a bonfire. Stay in their rooms, Mistaking connectivity with connection.

My teen is mad i get her phone, not can have it past 9:30. 

Limit social meedia, limit tv, women who seped 1/2 hour on instagamre their self esteem 

For most part, RAchel, it’s the good thigns