Mar 29, 2023 4 min read

Darlene McDonald

Theresa Messmer

Darlene

Last December (2021), we noticed changes in my husband. Took him to the VA to have him tested and they said he didn’t pass the cognitive test. He got really out of hand.  

Diagnosed with alzheimer’s told Theresa he had it for years. We just never picked up on it. He was in the hospital for a month. Ended up bringing him home. 

He was a big person. Theresa on a leave for work. Couldn’t leave him alone. She said I’ll just stay him with him. I’ll take care of him.

She took care of him during the week

He would get to me. He would look at me in the middle of the night and ask,aren’t you going to get me out of bed.

It was a lot of struggle 

We took care of him from January until the end of June. I went away one weekend and he got out of bed and he fell. He was a big person. 

William  73 July 14 2022

Six months that we know of that he just deteriorated really bad. 

Theresa was a CNA.

“I worked with patients like that, but there definitely is a difference from working with them and it being your own parent. When you worked with them, you got a bond at the nursing home. You’re were with them eight hours and just left. With my dad, I moved back home and it was a 24-hour job. There were days that were upsetting. he got to where he didn’t really know anyone and the alzheimer’s really took effect. It was rough watching him. When he came home, he had therapy and he was starting to walk. When that went away 

He’d fire me like avery five minutes then he’d want something and I would tell him that he fired me. He would say, you’re rehired.

Darlene

Stress is a big thing. What you thing you’re doing right, you’re not doing right

He was a good man. Vietnam veteran. He never talked about Vietnam the whole time we were married. We were married 42 years. When he got sick, that’s what he brought up.  

Theresa

When he was in the hospital, at one point he was scared that somebody was going to do something. he told my brother he couldn’t eat because somebody was poisoning the food. I think he had more better days than confusion.

Darlene

I think the hard thing is not remembering. I thought the grandkids were our kids. He loved us all, His grandkids were his world. Two grandkids, third on the way 

Theresa.

My daughter took it really hard.  She was 15. We moved him my husband and I wanted to save for a house. A month before his diagnosis moved in. 

Are you going to be Ok if I quit my job.  It’s hard. try to find a way to get paid. It doesn’t happen. I would do it again in a heartbeat. They raised me, we take care of them. 

Darlene It’s hard. It’s definitely heartbreaking. You try to talk to him and he doesn’t remember.

Theresa. He went from being a guy who could eat and eat to We couldn’t get him out of the house. It’s hard to watch him go from somebody who’s mobile and would eat like he was supposed to. Got him off his insulin cause he wasn’t eating sugar was bottoming out. The worst at night time. That’s when he was more confused.  

Brother still emotional not handling it very well. William

Theresa. I’m just glad I got that six months with my dad.

darlene when we took him to the hospital, he did not remember us buying our house. We’ve been in the house for 30 years.  

Theresa working again. dad passed July 14 

Forest lawn and Garden cemetery

After the burial we had a follow up. In now work at the cemetery and get to see my dad every day. I absolutely love it. I couldn’t ask for anything better. if I want to go down and talk to my dad I can.  

Darleen

You’re dad is with us.

Theresa I haven’t done as bad as my brother and my mom.

Still stressful on my mom and brothers

Other than emotionally. 

Darlene I didn’t want him to die in a nursing home. Went back to work at Washington Health System 

To lose that person

Theresa I was really the only one my dad trusted. Didn’t go anywhere

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