Today, or not today
It seems like a morning TV show host would be a great gig. You chat with Aubrey Plaza and Theo James, eat frittatas prepared by Geoffrey Zakarian and Bobby Flay, interview the East Tennessee State University Marching Buccaneers in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, watch Fergie somersault to “Barracuda,” and shill new products like decorative soaps shaped like the cast of “Wednesday.”
Side note: Imagine picking up a lemon-verbena-scented thing and washing with it/him. A hand soap that is really a hand soap!
But I digress, like I do. The drawback to squawking on a morning talk show is that the hosts wake up in the middle of the night, drive to the studio, and get into hair and makeup. You’d have to go to bed before happy hour ends. You’d need to eat dinner BEFORE the Early Bird Special.
Another drawback would be having to fake a laugh when Al Roker tells a dad joke. Roker once said this on air: “Why did the tomato turn red? He saw the salad dressing.” Oh, how his co-hosts chuckled and chortled. I’ve been to a lot of open mics, I’ve heard my share of bad jokes, but I’m not forced to laugh at them (I’m usually the one telling them).
The most annoying thing about being a morning talk show host would be trying to make sure I didn’t talk over my other co-hosts. It doesn’t seem to be stopping any of the people on the show now, though.
I was watching “Today” today (it’s today now, but it won’t be today when you read this), and the cacophony of co-hosts talked all over their guest, Charlie Day (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” and “Honey, Don’t”). I couldn’t understand one question they asked him. They jabbered at him at the same time. You could’ve gotten whiplash watching his head swivel from Craig Melvin to Dylan Dreyer to Al Roker.
It didn’t help that they were asking him about a Labubu doll, which is, apparently, the latest craze flying off the shelves faster than Cabbage Patch Dolls, pet rocks, slap bracelets, Furby’s, Teddy Ruxpins, Beanie Babies, and Tickle Me Elmos.
Interviews are best when they’re one-on-one. I don’t appreciate this pile-on style interview. I realized that I can only listen to two to three voices on a podcast. Whenever there is a fourth guest or more than two hosts, I’m out. The overlapping voices send me into a conniption fit, and I spend most of the time trying to figure out who’s talking, unless one of the guests has a unique voice.
Additional side note: The late Gilbert Gottfried once had a podcast. I thought he was funny, but it turns out I couldn’t listen to him for more than 10 minutes.
I suppose I’d be fired five minutes after my TV morning show host debut when I’d say, “Don’t interrupt me, Craig.”
On the bright side, I wouldn’t have to be in hair and makeup at 3 in the morning.